Ryan
Joel Pang
Joycelyn
Joel Chua
Gabrielle Loo
Jun Ting
Kenneth
David Quah
Alex
DeborahHi everyone. Today church was good. When new people come to JYM, like the P6s, I would wonder what their impression of JYM is. Sometimes when JYM feels dry, I feel like telling them of occassions like today. What attracted me to JYM is its genuinity. (there may be other reasons) JYM senses its down and picks itself up. Many churches are superficial. When I went to the prosperity Gospel type (a few times a few years ago), I ended up doubting Christianity even more. I even feel a bit offended, like everything is a fake (I have doubts easily coz of my developed fear of false hope).
JYM has its Ups and downs. Every Christian has their Ups and downs. Its normal, but we need to grow to be more stable, more mature in Christ, eating solid food, not yearning for spiritual milk. We had a somewhat "spiritual high" today, but how can we retain it? Thats one important question I think one key is Discipline. We have to keep on telling ourselves to do quiet time, being humble etc. I'll just leave it like that for whoevers reading to think about it.
I wrote about the significance of "Decision" some time back. When you made covenants with God (if you have), how genuine were you? Was it with ALL your heart? I think time tests it well. And discipline is somehow connected with this (I forgot what I thought)...
After JYM I was excited. When I was in the MRT coming back home, I wanted to do what Ryan did- look at people around, first impressions "cute boy" lol, then look at them as God's creation, meant to be with God. I actually did something like that before, looking at people as human beings with souls, but it wasn't exactly the same as what Ryan did or thought. Er I dont think I'm explaining well. Anyway, I tried to do that but I didn't manage to. My mind was overwhelmed. Sometimes 1 fact or knowledge can speak to you (have a sudden increase in significance to you), but mine was like 15 of those "significant things" or even more. Because sometimes 2-4 "significant things" can "join together to have an even higher meaning". The richness of meaning and the great speed at which my thoughts flowed in my mind (subconsciously, like intuition) felt a bit like having divine revelation, knowledge and wisdom. I was excited but I felt sad also that I won't remember them that well. There wasn't an explicit (clear) conclusion to my thoughts. The supersonic train led nowhere, reaching an impasse (in a way). I think this "thing" that I occasionally go through (this one is exceptional) is a significant clue to what God has planned for me to do in this world. I think he prevents me from consolidating my thoughts now because of my pride. He limits his blessing because I'm not mature or well-trained, weather-beaten enough to handle it.
Back to when I was in the train. I wanted to come home to blog. I was getting mentally exhausted. So I didnt do what Ryan did. I "stopped thinking".
During cell group Ryan asked if we felt challenged or just thought deeper. I said "yes" (meaning I felt challenged). But in the train and now I felt/feel otherwise.
By the way, it wasn't just JYM that caused everything- its the whole Sunday. DG (when I started reflecting and getting convicted), then E3 (e.g.- a quote - "my ears have heard of you (God) but now my eyes have seen you") then JYM.
I said I was convicted. Caleb is my current DG leader. He left my DG group for NS about 9 months ago and just came back today. So he was like catching up with us. He asked things like "How is your walk with God? Improved? Gone deeper? Since the beginning of the year. Or is it still the same?....."
Well I had the feeling in the beginning of the year that these 2 years was going to be tough for me, but I would grow a lot from suffering. And it seems to becoming true. My intuition told me I was in danger during the June Holidays, but it was wrong. I feel healed now. And God may have prompted me today, that its time to step out of my comfort zone.
Superficiality. I thought about that. In connection to love, faith, hope, etc. whether we know we are Christians... Could expound on this....
Meaning. I thought about that too. Meaning to life. Christianity is the answer. Love is the answer. -Can link to superficiality- the emptiness or unsatisfaction or boredom in life is due to things that are related to superficiality, to some extent. I'm writing in general term because if I state an example you may limit "meaning" to that small area... Stop here. nvm
My quiet time has not been very good these few days, though its the holidays. I think I got to caught up in studying, its only on friday and saturday that I managed to "mug effectively". During prayer Ryan said about pride not letting him notice his sin. I thought maybe its the same with me...
Oh, I said I was convicted. I want to be a better salt and light in my class. to carry out the great commision, step out of my comfort zone...spur one another onward in faith.... and to open up, express myself according to what I want to get across, presenting myself....e.g. I usually feel uneasy about talking in cell group because I think of what people think of me and I feel odd talking, like only 1 person is listening...
I kinda wrote out of topic....or rather... I had other things to write...about today...
I've been listening to the new song I put in the blog.
"He is Lord"- Hillsong. And I liked the song more listening to it more. In fact, I admit when watching the video the lady singer even began to attract me. I'll just post the song/video again.