Kenneth's Mid-year Exam Shedule + about himself (myself) Hi OAK. I think I'm not very close with this Cell group so I shall write about myself and my thoughts.
This june holiday was a refreshing one. I needed it. On the 1st day of the school break, on Sat, I went to help out doing the OAK notice board. It was the 1st time I ate at Sushi-Teh. That day was unexpectedly really nice. It wasn't very entertaining because it was filled with fun activities or games. It was just very relaxing and I had good thoughts. I didn't really like this cell group earlier this year, so I didn't expect this.
My CJC life in April-Mid May was a struggle. I was in Band, a CCA that was for long hours. Monday- Saturday, school ended at 4pm-7.30pm. Sometimes I had lessons for 5 hours non-stop. (Blue colour just for less significant description) For more than a month, I never spent a morning outside of school or church. I skipped a lot of homework, although once I slept at 5am and woke up at 6.15am because of homework. I lacked sleep and exercise, and began to feel out of character. Sometimes I laughed for nothing. Sometimes I was blur and awareness of surroundings was low. Sometimes I felt cold and sleepy and once I put my hand on my chest to check my heart beat rate. It was low. I got reminded of 2 years ago when I checked my heart beat once in a while with the clock and it was way below minimum level. And that was an evidence of a theory about myself I had, an extra-sensitive nervous system.
I felt a lot torment (mental distress) in relationships. I didn't go for the full JYM for quite long. I longed for a close friend to share my feelings with. I struggled with my walk with God. Sometimes the devil attacked me really hard with negative thoughts. I looked forward to the June holidays for rejuventation. That Sat, 24 May, was somehow a great time of rest. After helping in notice board I went to Hillsong concert but I didnt really find it good. On 25 May it was my Baptism. I wasn't mentally prepared for it but I prayed. I said to God that I'd become a better Christian. I thought my Christian life had many ups and downs, and ups were getting lower and the downs were also getting lower. So I feared this. I fear the future (I'll just summarise now since I wrote quite a lot on just 2 days) And I fear it now too. I sense danger. I really hoped I would experience God's Love again in the June Church camp. I did hours of quiet time everyday during the camp. I was expecting something supernatural, to affirm myself that the memory I have of my amazing experience with God in Dec 2006 that taught me the meaning of life, was real. But nothing special happened, even when Pastor Henry said he thought a sermon would speak to me. It was just like last year's December camp. I wanted assurance in my Faith. In Romans 5: 3-5, it says that "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the holy spirit." I seem to feel despair because of my suffering. The hope I have is damaged. Sometimes I think perhaps I have unconfessed sin in my life, but I have been searching for a long time I have not found anything. ya... So please pray for me.

Here is my Exam Shedule
Monday 23 June: Economics 8-10.45am
Tuesday 24 June: Chemistry 1-4pm
Wednesday 25 June: Math 8-11pm
Thursday 26 June: CLB (1-3pm) + CLB Listening Compre (3.15-4pm)
Friday 27 June: Physics 8-11pm + Chemistry SPA (I forgot the time =P, every class diff time)

I'm very unprepared for my econs paper tomorrow. I spent 1+ hour writing in this OAK blog, knowing that in doing so I will flung my paper. My relationship and walk with God and psychological well-being is far more important to me now than anything else.

I'll not be online on mon and tue so I wont see this blog. My father will be borrowing it to use overseas.
I posted this at about 10.30pm, not 9pm as it is written below.