Kenneth Teo LiGuangYew:

Hi, Examz are overrr, and I had a slight fever just after today's (the last) physics paper.
I'll not be going to Church on sunday coz my father put me in some "Internet Marketing" course- it was at a good price. I feel like going to Church one more time before facing CJC...sch lesson cirriculum starts on Tue.

Sometimes, actually quite many times, when I go to church when I think about God, I get a passion for God and imagine and/or wish I'll someday be preaching God's word, with conviction, or be in the worship team and worship extravagantly. This is some ideology I have about Christianity. (plssssssssssssss tell me if I have a misconception).

What exactly is the Truth? I came across it often in the Bible during the holidays when there was more time for quiet time. The significance of it to me got rekindled since then. It seems to me that it can be applied to many many things, like "Love".
Truth is not just the story right, that we are to live for Jesus or something? Truth means "fact". I think it represents the ultimate reality. Everyone has different views about everything because we have different experiences in life. Some perceptions we have in our mind about certain issues are not true, like knowing a person inside out. Newton's Laws of motion are not absolutely true. While satisfying one's "urge of fairness/justice", one may think that when "bad" people seem to escape judgement/punishment, their guilt will ALWAYS get back at them (mind experts may be able to "nullify" that). People have faith/hope in these things. I was in despair as I felt I had false hope. "Losing hope once had is worse than not having it at first"- a saying. Thats why I, unlike typical youths who have little experience in life, doubt and do not trust easily, also in God. Mao Tze Tong had a tactic of influencing/decieving young people to garner support, because they get influenced/decieved easily. When we see a cup infront of us. We "have faith" that there is a cup there, because of experiences. It is always there when we see that it is there. Except for people who hallucinate or live in their own world- Schizophrenia (I suspected I had that before), because of experiences. Dreams aren't real are they? Are feelings (guilt?) real? They can be deceptive. They can be "fake"- somewhat. In the Bible, many were deceived by hypocrisy of the Pharisees. What then can we base reality on? We can't choose what we we want to consider as reality to us as some religions say so. That is a "Truth" right? These thoughts are mainly what I recalled from Sec 3, being a pessimist lost in searching for the meaning of life, which is Love- the sermon last week by Joel Chan. I tend to doubt it when people in JYM say they "experienced God". They seem to say it so easily. What if it is their own thoughts? What if they have a misconception about Christianity?- people told me before that I had misconception.
When I was young; ~7-12 years old, I used to think being a Christian is like a Gamble. It may be true, it may not be. And we won't know. Even if we see a 'miracle', it would be in our memory and it may sway. We will grow to have faith/hope in it.

I think I became a proper Christian- accepting Jesus as my Lord because through experiencing God's love I saw the light, experienced God's peace, which transcends all human understanding, "excels all thought". I think that is the way to know Truths. God tells it to you. I wrote "influenced/decieved" and "faith/hope" somewhere above. Some in the Light or in the Truth will not be decieved easily, though he may be influenced easily- to a certain extent (word is ambiguious). Hope may be an ordinary worldly word that represents what we cling on to, which we do not "ultimately know" it will become reality. In Christianity "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" - Hebrews 11:1 +I don't think Faith should be based on memory

While writing I thought, whats the diff of being in the Truth and being in the Light? What do they mean anyway. Maybe I used them wrongly...

Wow I wrote quite a lot. And it may seem depressing somewhat but that doesnt really reflect my current "frame of mind". I feel happy on the inside I think. I think its gonna change in months to come. Well I'm putting on my shield of faith.
I fear being judged and condemned. My suffering in relationships is linked to that.

One more thing, when you receive the holy spirit it will never leave you right? And when you receive the holy spirit eternal life begins so you will go to heaven right? But exceptions are when you blaspheme against the holy spirit (sin will not be forgiven) and taking words away from some scroll of prophecy- Revelations 22:19 (God will take away from you your share in the tree of life and in the Holy City). and maybe more.
These seem wierd to me. Why are these sins so strong? Do statements like "nothing can taint the Love God has for you" apply here? God loves you but he doesnt allow you to have eternal life even though you may repent?